


skinny love.

by potentialrh



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Hopeful Ending, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Songfic, based off of skinny love by bon iver, im not good at tags, this is my first fic on ao3 lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:55:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24581929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potentialrh/pseuds/potentialrh
Summary: it was ironic really, the person that he spent all those years with, the person that helped him become who he was today, the one that made his heart whole again, managed to shatter it with one single sentence.
Relationships: Michael Clifford/Ashton Irwin
Kudos: 13





	skinny love.

**_come on skinny love just last the year,_ **

ashton knows that their love is fading. 

he knows that michael isn't acting the same as he once was when their relationship first started. hell, he first noticed it three months ago, but the pain was still the same. 

now, ashton _knows_ that relationships aren't supposed to stay the same from the very start. he _knows_ that there's always going to be hardships to work through. and he _knows_ that calum and luke are just trying to help, and they're doing the best they can. but this is different, ashton can tell; he just didn't choose to believe it.

but now, ashton is slowly coming to terms that michael will soon end their relationship. he can feel it coming, it was only a matter of days, weeks, or even months. he still tried his best not to think about it. 

ashton couldn't help but blame himself though. i mean, who else was there to blame for their relationship going downhill? the older boy just knows it's his fault, no other way of going about it. 

of course, that's not the truth. it's just that michael isn't as interested in ashton as he used to be. with all of the things that they've been doing; what with writing and recording for their third album, not to mention all the interviews and the pr. it was just all too much for the both of them, leading them to not spend as much time together as they used to, which led michael to his fading interest.

**_pour a little salt we were never here._ **

ashton doesn't need a warning to know that michael is going to talk with him soon. but yet, he still preserves the occasional kisses from michael every now and then when no one is looking. he still relishes in the little touches that they share with each other in public. ashton still tries to enjoy the little moments they have before it's all gone.

of course it hurts, but what was he to do about it? it left a stinging pain in his chest once he realized there was going to be no more morning kisses, or small lingering touches, or even intertwining their pinkies together before a show to show reassurance whenever michael's anxiety kicks in. 

it fucking hurts him, but he tries to enjoy every minute of it before it's all gone. 

**_my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my_ **

****

he wasn't surprised when the day actually came.

it was just a regular saturday night. they were currently having a week long break from going to the studio everyday. the two has just gotten home (rather, michael's apartment that ashton basically lived in.) from a dinner out with the rest of the band. all four of them were having a great time, drinking beer and joking around like they always have. but ashton could sense that something was off with his boyfriend the whole night. he always looked distracted, like something was on his mind. the older one had a feeling he knew what it was, but he didn't want to think about it and just wanted to enjoy his night instead.

all was calm and quiet on the drive home. that is, until they entered the apartment and michael decided to sit down on the sofa, his head buried in his hands before finally looking up at ashton, who decided to sit down across from him.

it was a deathly uncomfortable silence, until michael decided to speak up, "ash, i think we should end this. i-i don't think we're working out anymore." 

a beat of silence. 

then the sound of a door slamming. 

****

**_staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer_ **

****

he couldn't believe it really. a three year relationship going down the drain just like that. 

ashton never bothered to wipe his tears on the walk home to his apartment. he was lucky enough that no one saw him like this. 

_'like a fucked up mess,'_ he thought bitterly to himself.

the first thing ashton did when he stepped inside his apartment was punch a hole in the wall.

"fuck," he hissed as his knuckles started bleeding, some of the blood smeared on the wall. 

ashton went to go wash his hands under cold water to try and stop the bleeding. nothing was there to distract him, so the curly haired boy was just staring at the red fluid going down the drain, thinking about everything that he had just lost.

**_i tell my love to wreck it all_ **

**_cut out all the ropes and let it fall._ **

****

every memory that was running through ashton's mind was with him and michael, much to his luck.

it was ironic really, the person that he spent all those years with, the person that helped him become who he was today, the one that made his heart whole again, managed to shatter it with one single sentence.

he remembers one particular memory, although he was tipsy from the whiskey that he drank that night, ashton could still remember it clearly.

_ashton was on the edge of the bed, head in his hands as hot tears were streaming freely down his face. ashton was always the type to hold in his emotions, always putting other people's happiness above his own. however, there are some days where he simply just couldn't hold it back anymore, like a bomb ticking to go off. this happened to be one of those days. the whiskey was just an added factor._

_michael was sitting right beside him, rubbing his back in a circular motion as ashton sobbed, not saying a word. instead, he pulled his boyfriend closer to him and ran a hand through his curly hair, which made ash calm down a bit._

_ashton's sobbing slowly subsided into small sniffles, grateful that michael was still holding onto him, running his hands through his hair and humming a small tune._

_he waited a few minutes before he decided to speak up, "why are you still here, mikey? why are you still with me? i'm literally a fuck up, mike. you minus well just give up on me."_

_michael sighed, his heart breaking in two because he hated how lowly ashton thought of himself._

_pulling ashton closer to him, he responded, "i'm still with you because i love you, babe. i don't care if you're the most fucked up person in the world, i would still love you and be with you, cause you're you ash. there's no other person i would rather be with. i'm never giving up on you, love."_

_he pressed a soft gift to ashton's forehead, still carding his fingers through ash's curly hair, "now let's get some sleep, okay? i promise it'll all be better in the morning."_

ashton was snapped out of his thoughts when he realized that the water was still running, but the bleeding stopped long ago. he turned off the water, drying his hands and not bothering to bandage up his hand. 

he figured he deserved the pain. 

**_my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my_ **

**_right in this moment, this order's tall_ **

it was ashton's fault though. he was the one that should've ended it once he saw the signs, whether to relieve michael of him or to save himself from getting more hurt. 

maybe ashton was too cowardly to end the relationship so suddenly, but in the end he knew that he didn't want it to end at all. he was scared of not having anyone anymore.

ashton was scared of being alone, but he was too much of a coward to commit.

**_and i told you to be patient,_ **

**_and i told you to be fine,_ **

**_and i told you to be balanced,_ **

**_and i told you to be kind._ **

****

both of the boys mentality over the last few weeks had been unstable, to say the least.

they both needed someone to cry on, but at the same time they didn't want to bother anyone else about their struggles, feeling like they're too much of a nuisance.

only a handful of people knew about michael and ashton's predicament, calum and luke included. they were both hurt and the other two could see that, and they tried to help as much as they could, they really did. but it was obvious that this was something that the two broken boys had to work out themselves.

it was hard to get the two of them alone together since they were in the constant state of being too wasted to move, drowning themselves in guilt and regret for something beautiful that was to be built. but it was true that it was both of their faults.

even after three years, they never really communicated properly. ashton was clingy and needed constant affection. but michael was the opposite, not very much of an affectionate person. 

in a way, they were both at fault. they never tried to compromise, talk things out, or anything of the like to try and make it work.

no, they were expecting each other to do the unsaid.

**_and in the morning i'll be with you_ **

**_but it will be a different kind._ **

****

waking up in the morning without ashton's strong arms around him was an odd experience that michael would never get used to. michael sighed, rubbing the dried tears out of his face before hurriedly rushing to the bathroom to make himself look somewhat presentable. 

he couldn't help but feel nervous about today. michael had to go to the studio with ashton to do some songwriting and record. it was the first time that they've been near each other in _weeks._ he didn't really know how to act around his ex anymore.

but michael was going to take this as a good time to try and get some closure from ashton. he didn't care if end up with a black eye or not, the younger boy was determined to talk to him. he still wanted to try and be his friend, at least.

he took a deep breath before quickly putting on his shoes, shutting the apartment door behind him. he put on his sunglasses and made the twenty five minute drive down to the studio.

ashton was already there by the time michael arrived. he didn't look up nor wanted to acknowledge the latter's presence at all. 

it was a different atmosphere compared to their past disputes. this one was much more tense, neither boys daring to say a word to each other. it was as if they were walking on eggshells, waiting for someone to say something.

and michael hated it.

**_and i'll be holding all the tickets_ **

**_and you'll be owning all the fines._ **

they both spent the day in the studio without saying a word to each other. michael's heart felt heavy in his chest, and it was hard to try and keep the tears in.

he could see how _broken_ ashton was. he could see how hard the older boy was trying to keep it together, from the way his jaw kept clenching to the shaking of his hands.

michael knew that he owed ashton so, _so_ much, after the way he's treated him when they were dating. he knew that he was acting distant and that it hurt ashton a lot, but he didn't know just how much damaged he inflicted until now.

michael left ashton on the receiving end with the most pain to endure, and he knew that it was such a shitty thing to do and that he had to make up for it.

no matter what it takes.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading!! this is my first fic on ao3 and im planning to make more mashton and cake fics in the future :) feedback is appreciated! -lynn


End file.
